Learning emotions and empathic communication

The last topic on this subject is truly challenging for me, as I understand that acquiring and managing knowledge about emotions is one of the most complex responsibilities for a parent. It becomes even more difficult for me, considering that I didn’t have similar experiences in my own childhood, and I wasn’t taught how to handle these aspects. It was necessary for me to reach adulthood, undergo therapy, and read extensively to deeply comprehend the complexity and diversity of emotions I experience every day.

What is not emotional learning?

Let’s pause for a moment and clarify what learning about emotions does not mean, as there is often confusion about this aspect.

Learning about emotions does not involve ignoring or repressing them; on the contrary, it entails understanding and managing them in a healthy way. It’s not about turning ourselves into puppets of our own states but about recognizing and accepting emotional variability. In this process, we are not compelled to be always happy or to hide sadness under the rug but to be authentic in expressing and exploring our emotions.

Similar to empathy and discipline, learning about emotions is not a process of abandoning our values or personal boundaries. It is an opportunity to connect with others in a profound way because when we can understand and manage our own emotion, we are better prepared to be supportive and empathetic towards others. It is truly a process of growth and building a strong foundation for healthy relationships and personal fulfillment.

While learning about emotions is about consciously integrating them into our lives, it is not about ignoring or repressing them. It is a journey of self-discovery and accepting the complexity of our emotions. Being authentic in expressing and exploring these emotions means viewing them as valuable guides in the search for self-understanding and authentic connection with others.

Understanding emotions

Exploring and managing emotions within the family is a significant challenge for many parents, myself included, given that I recognize and experience the complexity of this responsibility. I lacked guidance in handling emotions during my childhood, which presents difficulties for me now. It was necessary for me to reach adulthood and undergo therapy to understand and navigate the intricate emotional world.

A major issue in childhood is the lack of awareness and learning about how to identify and express emotions. I scarcely recall how I attempted to suppress emotions, often feeling guilty just for experiencing them. It is crucial to understand that children need guidance to express and comprehend their own emotions, and the absence of an adult in this process complicates the situation.

My upbringing occurred during a time when expressing emotions was discouraged, and this contributed to emotional pressure and difficulty in recognizing personal feelings. My parents were not aware that denying a child’s emotions could cause significant trauma. Children need to learn to recognize and express feelings such as anger or sadness, and validating these emotions contributes to the development of empathy and healthy emotional intelligence.

In today’s society, where expressing emotions is sometimes considered a sign of weakness, it is essential to change this paradigm. By validating and encouraging emotional openness, we provide children with essential tools to build healthy relationships and to face life’s challenges with confidence.

Your child is your faithful copy

Modeling appropriate behavior is also a crucial aspect of learning about emotions. Children absorb the behavior of adults, and parents are their first role models. By exhibiting healthy emotional expression and managing emotions constructively, we provide positive examples for children. Learning about emotions is not just about recognizing and expressing them; it is also about a profound understanding of how they influence behavior and relationships.

Encouraging children to express their emotions can be integrated into daily activities. For example, through open discussions about children’s emotional expressions, we can stimulate conversations about feelings and provide them with the necessary vocabulary to better express their inner states.

Empathetic navigation in communication is essential. By replacing prohibitions with open-ended questions, we can create an environment conducive to emotional expression. Validating feelings and providing a safe space contribute to building a strong bond based on trust and openness between parents and children.

Learning about emotions is a continuous and complex process, and cultivating an environment that supports validation, expression, and management can contribute to the development of healthy emotional intelligence in children. It is an essential endeavor to prepare them for life’s challenges and build authentic relationships within the community.

To help a child learn to manage their own emotions, it is essential to cultivate an environment of understanding and support.

My top 10 tips for improving emotional skills in relation to your child

• Open communication: Replace restrictive instructions with expressions that encourage communication, such as replacing “Don’t get upset!” with “I see that you’re upset. Let’s breathe together and talk about what bothered you.”
• Validation of feelings: Instead of minimizing fear, say “I understand that you’re scared. I’m here with you. What would make you feel safer?” to validate and embrace their feelings.
• Promoting discussions: Avoid accusatory questions such as “Why did you do that?” and adopt an empathetic approach by asking, “What led you to make that choice? Let’s discuss it.”
• Empathy instead of judgment: Replace criticism with understanding, for example, “You’re a bad kid!” can become “We all make mistakes. Let’s find a way together to fix the situation.”
• Solution-oriented questions: Replace reproaches with questions that encourage problem-solving, for instance, instead of saying “Don’t be jealous anymore!” say, “I understand you feel left out. Can you tell me more about your feelings?”
• Communication instead of prohibitions: Avoid orders and encourage collaboration, for example, replacing “You have to share your toys!” with “I know it’s sometimes hard for you to share. How do you think the other child would feel if you lent them the toy for a little while?”
• Support instead of reproach: Replace criticism with empathy, changing “Don’t behave like that anymore!” to “I’m sorry you feel this way. What made you feel like this?”
• Openness and listening: Replace minimizing pain with empathy, such as replacing “Don’t cry, it’s not that bad!” with “I understand you’re upset. Do you want to tell me what happened?” to provide a safe space for expression.
• Providing a safe space: Replace attempts to stop sadness with openness for conversation, like “Don’t be sad!” with “I see you’re sad. Do you want to talk about it?”
• Modeling healthy behavior: Demonstrate the proper way to manage emotions by openly expressing your feelings and discussing how you cope with difficult situations.
• Activities and educational books: Integrate learning about emotions into daily activities and read books that explore various emotions to stimulate conversations and provide necessary vocabulary.